so i guess it's been a while since i've posted. sorry, friends, readers, blank spaces, me...well, the holidays came and went. they were like most holidays- refreshing, reuniting, and somewhat regrettable. i did make amends with my sister and her boyfriend, with a bit of support from my man. we even took a trip skiing with them. i miss my sister. it's sad to see your family and close friends only twice a year. it's almost as if i have 2 separate lives- a permanent one here in new york and one i occassionally visit when i go home. its strange to leave the insulation of new york city and go to smaller cities where people aren't as open-minded and still look at you funny...not that that doesn't happen here in the city, people are just less blatant about it, i guess, than in other places. i can't help but feel resentful when i'm in a place like florida, just thinking that the majority of the population voted for Bush...if it is true. I don't know. i feel like i'm in a foreign place. funny how you never notice yourself an outsider in your own home til you leave it. besides that, not much to report. the school semester came and went and i have a couple of films to show for it...nothing spectacular, but i do have a rough draft of my final thesis film, which has been in the works for about 3 years. its' satisfying to see it in form finally. i still have a lot of work to do and am just hoping it doesn't suck. the panel (aka the professors) thought it was do-able. i don't know if they necessarily like my idea, but whatever...i'm starting to feel competitive, which i have never really felt before. i find myself jealous of my colleagues and the attention they get and wonder if they are better than me. i am alos the only female writer/director in the program. i don't think it gives me a disadvantage but some times i feel like i have to work harder or that things are just a little bit tougher. like when i tell people i'm a filmmaker they always ask me if i do documentaries. no, i don't do fuckin' documentaries. what is up with that? can't women be fiction writers or directors? even this guy at columbia was like, "there hasn't been a female director that Hollywood has made a big deal about." no shit. it's a boy's club. i don't really see myself as being a hollywood director. i just want to make something i am proud of and that people appreciate. i'm just rambling...oh, my new year's resolution is to be meaner...dammit.