sometimes the madness gets toyou know what i mean. "don't tell my dad" was herlast words. another promising nyu student committs suicide. don'tknow whereto goanymore. there's too much presssure; sometimes its easier to just let go. you know???????????????????? fuck. i hate this insomnia man. i don't feel like i'm in the right place. i ...fuck vuck fuck thisshit i'm nottrying to be creative fuckin intellectual or nothing. its just too many thngs going through my head i can't sleep thisvodka is not helping. i don't know whwere to go i don't know why's it i chooose thislife.why can't i just work a 9 to 5 and vacations that you look forward to it's so much easier dammit i'mjust being afuckin' selfish whining bitch when ihave everything thati could ask for except peace ofmind.just a spoiledbitch withnothing to lose. do i have talent at all or is it jsut fluke of luck. i have this constant doubt like i can't putit all together. i like have performance anxiety or some shitl. you have acute kid. i'd like tojust have a kid and a family. i'm not making sense. i know.its ok. i don't really need youto readthis anyway. i know you are trying to be encourageing and i don'twant to disappoint you especially after i've fought this long to get this where i'm going i don't know. another country i want to escape toanother country. it was so much easier when i was doing this alone nothing to fight against and now i'm just fighjting myslef.